— Josh Kilen :: Stories and Ideas

My guess is that your life is not what you want it to be. The good news is that there are probably only one or two things you need to change in order to have the best life ever.

The bad news: those things will be the hardest in the whole world to change. Which is why you haven’t changed them already.

I’m a big fan of stories to make a point… Billy once had a dream as well.

—————-

Through squinted eyes, Billy’s pencil sketched across the paper, a furry of motion. At only six years old, he knew what he wanted most in the world; to be a space explorer. Planets, comets, starships, asteroids and danger sprang to life from the nothingness of the white paper before him. His wild imagination created the world he wanted to live in.

Stretched out on the floor, feet swaying in the air, Billy drew his imagination on paper. Colored pencils added depth to the planet, providing foliage and oceans to an otherwise barren landscape. Red flames burst from the engines of his spaceship and blue lasers snaked across the shaded void to vanquish the enemy craft in a blaze of yellow and orange. Billy smiled to himself in satisfaction.

Billy’s Mom came into the living room, hands full with groceries and extra work. She blew a lock of hair from her face, and looked down at her son. “Billy, that’s enough drawing. I need your help with the groceries.”

The pleading was thick in his eyes and voice, “Mom, I just want to finish this thing.” He said.

She set the groceries down on the counter with a sigh, “Now Billy.”

Reluctantly, and with an air of pouting that his mother chooses to ignore, Billy got up from his masterpiece and went in the kitchen to help put away the groceries.

“Hey Mom. Wanna know something?” Billy asked.

“What is it Son?” Billy’s mom said.

“I’m gonna be a space explorer!” Billy said, pure joy in his smile.

“That’s nice, hon.” His Mom said, trying her hardest to be supportive.

That’s all Billy needed though, and he began to tell her about his planned adventures. On and on he went, no detail was too minute to hash out. Eventually his Mom had enough, “Okay Billy. I get it, you want to be a spaceman. That’s enough, okay?”

But it wasn’t enough, “I want to be a space explorer Mom, not a spaceman,” he corrected her.

Just then, Billy’s Mom didn’t watch where she was walking and stepped on his pencils and drawing. Billy yelled out, “Mom!” as his Mom swore out loud. Billy stopped in his tracks.

“Billy, that’s enough! You are not going to be a space explorer or anything like that. Life’s hard enough, you don’t need silly dreams that just can’t come true. Now pick up pencils and throw away this garbage.” She was pointing at his drawing.

Tears filled Billy’s eyes but he held them back, “But, I want to be a space explorer. More than anything.”

Billy’s Mom softened, “ I know Honey, but you just have to realize that the world doesn’t work like that. You need to be realistic.”

Billy nodded his head, not quite believing her. He walked over, picked up his “garbage” and threw it away in the trash.

—————-

And that’s how it starts, the slow terror that grips our hearts and dreams, telling us that living our lives isn’t really possible.

Billy’s Mom didn’t mean to crush his dreams, and she wasn’t the final word. Can you remember a time when this happened? It’s the silent death of the soul, and it teaches us how to tell stories about ourselves.

Stories like the one above can set in motion a chain of events leading to this:

—————-

The sound of recycled air clicked on above and William felt the stale breeze touch his hand. His cubicle felt less oppressive as he doodled on a scrap of paper. His pencil danced across the makeshift canvas but William was barely aware of what he was creating. This came second nature to him.

Deep inside, where he locked it away, William dreampt of being an artist. The thought of drawing and giving people pleasure and perhaps meaning through his creations made his heart nearly burst with happiness. But how can he? He has to pay the bills, he has to be realistic. You can’t just pursue what makes you happy, you have to work too. That’s how the world works.

William feels someone behind him and instinctively places a hand over his work. He looks up to see his co-worker, Denise, trying to peak through his hand.

“What were you drawing?” she asked.

“Nothing, just something I had in my head,” William says with a sigh.

“Can I see the whole thing? It looked like something you’d see in comic book. Do you draw for one of those?”

William snorted, “I wish. No, I just doodle. It’s nothing.” But he tentatively holds the scrap up for Denise to inspect.

She takes it from his hand and looks it over carefully, “I don’t really go in for fantasy but this looks pretty good. You should be an artist or something.”

William takes back his art and slowly crumples it up, “Ya, maybe someday. I just can’t quit my job and draw all the time. Maybe I’ll win the lottery or something, right?”

Both he and Denise share a sad laugh.

Denise thinks about the other night in the Karaoke bar, how she sang her heart out and the place erupted in applause. That’s what she lived for, her weekend performances, those moments of pure bliss. She shook her head and walked away from William’s cubicle. He was right, what was she going to do, quit her job and sing for a living? Maybe someday…

—————-

It’s in there. That deep, burning passion that keeps you up at night. That thing that you want most. And life, people, everything conspires for you to ignore it.

I bet it keeps you up at night, refusing to stop bugging you. Especially at your lowest points; those moments where it seems you have nothing else, it’s still there, haunting you. Even if you accomplish great things throughout your life, this one idea, dream, or desire nags in the back of your mind and won’t let go. It hurts.

You have to stop and accept that it’s there.

We all have a secret desire, an inner burning passion to do something great with our lives. Believe me, your desire is there. Whenever you get passionate about a subject, when life’s injustice seems too much to bear. You will see it when you find your self lecturing someone unintentionally. That’s your passion. You need to pursue it.

You are aching to pursue that passion.

But so often we choose not to. We choose instead to ignore it, to give up, to play the xBox or the latest Facebook game. Something inside of us holds us back and we give in to the fear, let the Panic control us. We choose hobbies or semi-passionate pursuits, but not the one thing that makes us come alive.

But why is that?

No one dreams of being mediocre, or working at something that is less than remarkable. Is your deepest desire to just get by? No, we want to make something special, something remarkable. We want to create things that last. We want to do great work, but we settle for story of getting by and “doing what we have to”.

Our souls are dying because of that.

Imagine you’re on a lake, watching the ducks glide across the surface of the water. The picture looks serene and peaceful. What you don’t see is the torrent of movement underneath the tranquil body of each duck. The webbed feet are paddling like crazy, propelling the fowl forward. Maybe it seems all nice and pleasant, but really the ducks are scrambling away.

Think about your life in terms of its duckiness

Isn’t your personal story the same as a duck? Hang with me for a moment here. When you tell your story to someone, for instance in your ‘Bio’ or about me page on your website, what do you tell them? My guess is that you try to make it sound like the ducks gliding across the water, serene and wonderful.

And that’s exactly what you need to avoid.

You need to avoid sounding peaceful?

Not exactly.

You need to avoid being really boring.

Peaceful and serene is nice, in the same way that telling someone the name of the town you grew up in or the names of your parents is nice. But it’s not terribly interesting.

At least not as interesting as scrambling duck feet.

What do duck feet have to do with anything?

The scrambling duck feet propel, they move the duck forward. The same thing has happened to you.

How did you get where you are now? You scrambled, you fought, you struggled, and eventually you made it where you are now. The struggle is the interesting part of your story.

People care about the struggle more than anything

Think about it, what gets your attention more than a good struggle?

A mega-star like Brittney Spears puts out a new album and it’s nothing new, snooze time really. But then you find out she wrote it from rehab. Suddenly the stakes were higher, the struggle was greater. Now you hear that not only did she write it in rehab, but she was being abused by her husband at the time.

Now you’re in, you are paying attention because you feel the struggle of her story.

But where’s the struggle in your story?

Let’s go back to your poor bio. Chances are you tell your story with the wrong details. No one cares where you grew up or where you were born unless somehow it involved danger, struggle or a problem. Where you born in Iran or the Sudan and had to escape to America. That’s interesting and worth telling. Born in Omak, Washington? Probably not worth mentioning. Did you live next to avid supporters of the Ku Klux Klan? Mention that little tid bit and people will be locked in to hear the rest of what you have to say.

But what if you don’t have anything interesting to say?

That would certainly be a problem, if it were true.

Thankfully it’s not.

Not one bit.

No matter what your life situation, there is always an element of conflict. Maybe it wasn’t a big, dramatic movie moment (they rarely are). But just because James Cameron won’t be stealing your lifestory for one of his scripts doesn’t mean your life hasn’t seen it’s fair share of conflict and struggle. In fact, I’m sure there’s a lot more than you think.

Find your struggle, gain attention

My wife used to have a terrible bio, awful really. But then she told the story of when she quit painting, gave it up seemingly forever. This was a problem which had a wonderful solution, a sudden burst of creativity that birthed her most loved pieces and a renewed commitment to the arts. That’s a much more interesting way to begin a story than what type of paint you use or where you grew up. There’s struggle in your life, you just need to draw it out.

Without the struggle you lose their interest

People like going to the lake and feeding the ducks, it’s nice. But is watching ducks swim really interesting? Not until you see their little webbed feet paddling away, struggling against the water. The movement, the struggle is memorable, that’s what people find interesting. You should strive to do the same.

Every major company has a great story that you probably know, and you definitely know if you are a fan. Steve Jobs starting Apple computer in the garage, Bill Gates leaving Harvard to launch Microsoft with Paul Allen, Thomas Edison and General Electric, Colonel Sanders and his suitcase of chicken that he made everyone try, Howard Schultz and his Italian coffee obsession.

Maybe you haven’t heard these stories, but even if this is the first you heard about Colonel Sanders, you can see how the story shapes the company, becomes part of it’s DNA.

Every business, large and small, has a story. What’s yours?

You have a story, a tale of struggle and overcoming. It is a powerful way to connect with your customers, and one of the easiest ways to set yourself apart in a cluttered marketplace.

For creatives, a clear and compelling story is vital to make a name for themselves. If you are an artist, author, or designer, how else do you stand out from the millions of others? It’s your story that makes you stand out.

Even if your art is unique, you still have to share your story. Customers or collectors will make up one for you if you don’t, and they don’t always get it right.

This is the great secret of higher end sales; the story sells more. People don’t pay $20,000 for a piece of art simply because it’s pretty. They can find something pretty at Target or World Market. Or they can commission a local starving artist for one tenth that price. High end collectors pay that price because of they story they get to tell themselves or other people. Maybe it’s a famous artist so the piece brings prestige, or it makes them feel a certain way. No matter what, it’s the story in their head that matters.

You don’t need better marketing, you definitely don’t need to sell anyone, you simply need to tell your story. Tell a good story and people come running.

Find your story, make it truly yours, and you can’t help but stand out.